...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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