We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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