You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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