Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
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Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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