listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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