I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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