I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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