i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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