i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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