.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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