never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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