I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize