last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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