coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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