I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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