I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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