Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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