At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
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so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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