You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize