I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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