From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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