he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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