i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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