Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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