Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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