hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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