I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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