I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize