Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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