I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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