It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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