I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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