you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize