the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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