Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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