There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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