wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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