i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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