apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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