Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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