Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize