I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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