True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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