And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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