i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize