A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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