I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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