my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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