so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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