God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
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Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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